POEM 4: 04 APRIL 2010
by Greg ~ April 4th, 2010. Filed under: Poems.Griefsong
after Ted Hughes
He lost her and she lost him
Their tears washed away then and now
They had no other language
She kissed him she stroked him she bit
She wished him wholly inside her all ways
Their sounds were a wingbeat
Her eyes wanted to be the sea
Her looks wore down his fingers his thumbs his hands
So that he would lie wide as the sand
He pressed down heavy as clouds so that time
Should not carry her from that instant
He wanted all questions to cease
Her touch was a dripping chisel
To carve herself into his skin
His arms were branches of the dark forest
Where she would lose her way
Her arms were the tides
Where his body would swim submerged
His words were kelp snares
Her laughs were the mockery of gulls
His looks were fault lines of accusation
Her promises were rata vines
His promises were skeleton leaves
He would bind them into a book
Her vows were flesh-eating
She wiped his blood from her mouth
His vows were a sociopath
He dissolved her laughter in acid.
Greg O’Connell © 2010
April 4th, 2010 at 5:52 pm
“…wholly inside her all ways”
Really great word play there! Glad to find your work.
April 4th, 2010 at 5:59 pm
Thanks, Dan. Ditto =)
April 4th, 2010 at 6:05 pm
It gets darker and darker as we near the end of the tunnel… and that last line sends us in all directions.
April 4th, 2010 at 6:08 pm
Thanks, Stan. I look forward to checking out your blog. Hope you’e enjoying NaPoWriMo 2010.
April 4th, 2010 at 7:18 pm
Great piece Greg, and the sad way of most relationships — all-consuming…
…rob
Image & Verse
April 4th, 2010 at 7:31 pm
Thanks, Rob. I’ll be sure to drop by your blog soon. =)
April 4th, 2010 at 8:37 pm
I love the deep tones of insanity and obsession. I wondered if it needs stanza breaks. I like the line breaks.
April 4th, 2010 at 8:55 pm
Thanks, Marisa. I wanted the lack of stanza breaks to contribute to the unrelenting density of the images; the protagonists spiralling out of control in a dark, dysfunctional dance. =)
April 4th, 2010 at 11:23 pm
Wow this is powerful! So different from your other poems so far.
April 4th, 2010 at 11:30 pm
Thanks, Catherine. In this one I gave myself permission to be hard-hitting, but vulnerable. It was very cathartic.
April 4th, 2010 at 11:49 pm
You are the master of metaphors! They just keep getting better and better as the poem goes on. And that ending! Wow!
April 4th, 2010 at 11:50 pm
Thanks, Linda for your kind comments. I made a choice with this poem to stack the metaphors quite unremittingly, which I guess makes demands on the reader. I’m rapt that you liked it. =)
April 5th, 2010 at 5:43 am
Hi Greg, I’m a big Sylvia Plath fan, so this was really interesting to me. And ohh these lines:
She wished him wholly inside her all ways
Their sounds were a wingbeat
Her promises were rata vines
His promises were skeleton leaves
– animate imagery matched by rich, delicious sounds; ‘well done. I’ll be carrying around “wingbeat” and “rata vines” for a while.
Also, bravo on your work bringing poetry into schools. The school journals on your “schools” page are great.
And you seriously live in New Zealand… that makes me just a bit envious.
April 5th, 2010 at 5:50 am
Thanks, Sara. Although not as tragic as Hughes/Plath, this poem describes the end of my first marriage. At the time, the emotions were numbing and brutal. I’m thrilled that you gained so much from the imagery. And warm thanks for the wholehearted encouragement. Yes! I’m very lucky to be a Kiwi! (But – as you might have guessed from the dot com domain – I’d love to visit the States annually). Best wishes in your own work. And you can be certain I’ll follow your blog. =)
April 5th, 2010 at 5:58 am
Strong and a bit scary. Intense and kinda crazy. I look forward to reading more of your poems.
April 5th, 2010 at 6:15 am
Thanks, Marie. Great that you dropped by. “Intense and kinda crazy” is exactly what it was like. And I’ll be sure to check out your blog during April. =)
April 5th, 2010 at 12:22 pm
This is a powerful poem, images are poignant. The crescendo of uncontrollable passion is built through these images.
April 5th, 2010 at 12:29 pm
Thanks, Uma. Passion can be an unpredictable pet. =)
April 5th, 2010 at 12:42 pm
I agree with above comments — powerful, intense, deep, obsessive. I read this poem after reading only one of your other poems, your April 1st poem. So I was struck by the contrast between that earlier poem’s treatment of sensual landscape/bodyscape and this poem’s treatment of it.
April 5th, 2010 at 12:43 pm
Thanks, Therese. Essentially, this is an expression of grief at the end of a relationship; the first, a celebration of the land’s beauty. I’m really enjoying your selection also. =)
April 5th, 2010 at 12:45 pm
Greg, I love this line: So that he would lie wide as the sand – what a powerful image.
Thank you.
April 5th, 2010 at 12:46 pm
Thanks, Pamela. Where we live has many beaches, often wild, often uninhabitated. I’m thrilled the image resonated with you. And I look forward to following your blog. =)
April 5th, 2010 at 1:20 pm
Hi Greg-
This speaks to some of what I’ve been reading in Hughes’ BIRTHDAY LETTERS. I also recently read an excerpt of Plath’s journals, which were fascinating. It’s like you know them, or they know us (and I’d say they do, from our shared human experience) and you were, as you wrote, hard-hitting. Thanks for this!
April 5th, 2010 at 1:25 pm
Thanks, ajv. I really appreciate you taking the time to add another dimension to these comments. =)
April 5th, 2010 at 1:37 pm
Such an interesting poem! I like your take on the intensity of emotion within Plath and Hughes’ relationship. This was a pleasure to read. In particular, I LOVED the line “his promises were skeleton leaves.” Great!
April 5th, 2010 at 2:09 pm
Thanks, Richelle. To clarify, the poem isn’t a commentary on the Plath/Hughes relationship. It’s a description of my own feelings in the midst of the break-up of my first marriage. The good news is: I’m now engaged to my sensational new partner (the beautiful Zoe). And we’re getting married in her home country of England later this year. The note “after Ted Hughes” is a reference to the form of the poem, which was inspired by Hughes’ poem ‘Lovesong’. =)
April 5th, 2010 at 4:47 pm
Intense, powerful, even frightening. I caught on right away it wasn’t the Hughes/Plath relationship – although it could have been – with such consumption. Well done, Greg – this metaphor is going to stay in my mind.
April 5th, 2010 at 4:55 pm
Thanks, Wanda. I’m flattered. And what a spot-on word choice in “consumption”. Consumed-by-grief is very much the theme. I look forward to revisiting your blog throughout April. =)
April 6th, 2010 at 9:39 am
This is a joy. I love ‘wide as sand’, ‘wholly inside her all ways’, and ‘His promises were skeleton leaves’ and the way the intensity builds and begins to feel like madness. Reading it is rather like being high on something deadly.
April 6th, 2010 at 9:45 am
Thanks, Eryl. And yes, I think intense grief can feel like a kind of madness, a deadly vertigo. I’m pleased you dropped by, and I’m definitely looking forward to reading more of your work. =)